there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
