Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
