your parents love me but you hate me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
