Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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