Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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