if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
