hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
