Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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