we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
