The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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