Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
