fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
