I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
