She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize