Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
