I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize