ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So vagazzling was a success
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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