You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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