Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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