Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i dont even know how to be here
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
