Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
