apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I want her autograph on my taint
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
