Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
