fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
and you fell through a lawn chair
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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