I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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