Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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