you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
