just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
