You can't special order awesome
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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