Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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