before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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