Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
40s are totally the cure
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
