So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
