he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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