Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
