so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
