you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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