Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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