I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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