watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Alive.
So much puke
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
