Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
