Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
