there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
