I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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