im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
