coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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