I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
