Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
