I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how can u be prego again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
