Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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