You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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