If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize