Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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