there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize