u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
