so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
