guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
