drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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