it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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