I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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