if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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