I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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