he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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