Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
