so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize