sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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