I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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