Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize