xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
