Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize