Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
