I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
