considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm at about main and main street
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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