I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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