if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nutella sex= disaster
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
