so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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