It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
