I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize