Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
