she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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