Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
