I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
