its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
