Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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