i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
