found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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