even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
