Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
