Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
