I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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