i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
