mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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