I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
