no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
